Friday, January 14, 2011

I am a stalker...

So, there we were, Samantha and I, at the gym the other day when my twin walked by. I had been looking for a song on my MP3 player and my eyes have trouble adjusting from close up stupid tiny letters to people off in the distance. "Did you see that woman?" I asked Samantha. "Yes and she looks just like you only taller" she replied.

My twin went into the locker room and that's when I turned my child into a mini-stalker. "We have to go in there" I said. "But I don't have to go to the bathroom and I just put my coat on" Samantha whined. I begged her to shut up and just wash her hands or something.

When we got in the locker room she wasn't there. I walked all the way around the other end of the lockers and, poof, she'd disappeared. Then I see Samantha pointing toward the toilets and mouthing: "She's in there". So we washed our hands. We didn't just splash some water on them but did it the way they recommend with the soap and the singing your ABC's and rinsing and the drying and my twin was still in the bathroom stall.

Then Samantha showed me an ad for a body spray she wants. It was one of those ads where you rub a certain spot and then smell it only she'd smelled it so many times that you had to rub and rub and rub to activate the scent.

My twin was still in the stall and we came to the conclusion that my twin was pooping but, that's ok because everybody poops.

Next a woman I'd run with a few times on the track came into the locker room and I struck up a conversation with her because I'm friendly like that. I'm so glad I talked to her because we made plans to run 10 miles together. She is about my speed which will make it fun. So there I am all thrilled that I have made a new friend when my poopy twin comes out of the stall. But I'm all engrossed in conversation with my new friend and can't really say: "Oh, excuse me a minute while I check out this woman who I followed in here because I think she looks like me" so I totally missed her. That sucks! I was really thrilled to make a new friend and all but it still sucks.

When I was done chatting Samantha gave me one of those looks that implied: if we don't leave now you will embarrass me to death and to seek revenge I will cut you while you are sleeping. You don't mess with the child and her evil looks so we left.

We went to the gym again yesterday I saw her after John and I were done running. I was standing with John while he used the ab machine when I saw her on the treadmill. "There's my twin," I whispered to John. Of course he laughed at me and said, "just because she has short blond spiky hair doesn't mean she looks anything like you. You are way cuter than she is."

I love my husband!

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